Tosh.0 – Sport Science.0
Tosh.0 – Sport Science.0


– ♪ O CANADA ♪ OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAND ♪ TRUE PATRIOT LOVE ♪ IN ALL THY SONS COMMAND – LOOKS LIKE THE ZAMBONI
MISSED SOME CARPET. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. THAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT
WEB REDEMPTION. AND APPARENTLY, YOU’RE NOT
THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT SO. LISTEN, I’M AWARE
AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS AND TALK SOUP HAVE
A LEGITIMATE GRIPE AGAINST ME. IT’S BAD ENOUGH MTV HAS
A PG GIRL VERSION OF THIS SHOW. BUT NOW SPORTS CHANNELS
ARE STEALING FROM ME? DID ESPN REALLY THINK
I WOULDN’T NOTICE WHEN THEY CAME UP
WITH AN EERILY FAMILIAR NEW SEGMENT CALLED
“AWESOME VIDEO SEGMENT”? – WE GOT A NEW DEVICE
COMING UP. IT’S CALLED–
THE INAUGURAL PIECE IS CALLED THE AWESOME VIDEO SEGMENT,
AND THIS ONE CENTERS ON THAT–THAT SKATING, TRIPPING-OVER-THE-RED-CARPET SINGER GUY WHOSE NAME– HE’S GOT A NAME–
IS MARK DONNELLY. – ♪ LAND – YOU’VE SEEN IT ON
SPORTSCENTER A MILLION TIMES, BUT IF YOU’RE LIKE ME, YOU STILL HAVE
A MILLION QUESTIONS. I WENT TO CANADA
AND ASKED MARK DONNELLY WHAT HE WAS THINKING. – I DON’T KNOW WHY
I DIDN’T NOTICE THE– WHEN I WENT AROUND BEFORE, AND THEN WITH
THE TWO SPOTLIGHTS ON ME, I COULDN’T SEE
WHAT WAS IN FRONT OF ME. – ALL RIGHT, LISTEN CLOSELY
AND TELL ME IF YOU’VE HEARD
THIS NEXT PHRASE BEFORE. – DO YOU THINK
YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? – THEY MUST HAVE MISSED
THAT ONE EPISODE WHERE I SAID THAT BEFORE. ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT
ANOTHER SHOT? ARE YOU READY
TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? YOU READY TO GIVE IT
ANOTHER SHOT? ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT
ANOTHER SHOT? ARE YOU READY
TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? – DO YOU THINK
YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? – SURE. ♪ O CANADA ♪ OUR HOME AND [triumphant music] ♪ O CANADA ♪ WE STAND ON GUARD ♪ FOR THEE [cheers and applause] – YOU [bleep] HACKS
ARE CHEAPENING MY BRAND. I’M FINE WITH KIDS IN HIGH SCHOOL OR COLLEGE
PLAGIARIZING, BUT ONCE YOU WORK
FOR A REAL NETWORK, YOU SHOULD HAVE
SOME GODDAMN SELF-RESPECT. THAT’S WHY I CREATED
A NEW SEGMENT CALLED SPORTSCIENCE.0. WHO DO YOU THINK CAME UP
WITH THAT– A NETWORK DEDICATED TO SPORTS OR BILL NYE’S SON,
THE SPORTS SCIENCE GUY? THEY’VE BEEN CALLING ME THAT
SINCE I WAS [bleep] 11. [dramatic music] ON ESPN’S FLAGSHIP SHOW
SPORTSCENTER, EACH HIGHLIGHT LASTS AN AVERAGE
OF 45 SECONDS AND CONTAINS AN ASTONISHING
217 UNFUNNY FORCED PUNS. AND THE […] FRAT BROTHERS
THEY CALL ANCHORS ARE WHIFFING ON AN IMPROBABLE
100% OF THE JOKES THEY TRY TO MAKE. THAT’S LIKE A GREASED UP
ADULT GRIZZLY BEAR TRYING TO MAKE LOVE
TO A FRESH SALMON. THAT’S LIKE– SPORTSCENTER BREAKS DOWN
LIKE THIS: 60% MANZIEL GOSSIP, 39% PRAISING LEBRON FOR BUYING A GIANT BRITA FILTER
TO CLEAN LAKE ERIE, 72% JERKING OFF THE S.E.C., AND 41% EXPLAINING AWAY WHATEVER CRIME AN NFL PLAYER
COMMITTED THAT HOUR. THERE’S 2% OTHER,
WHICH IS ROOM FOR WHOMEVER HAS TO FILL IN
FOR BILL SIMMONS EVERY TIME HE’S SUSPENDED FOR HAVING THE AUDACITY
TO DEFEND WOMEN. ESPN’S 72 PERSONALITIES
WHO HAVE NO PERSONALITY CAN SOMEHOW MANAGE
TO EXERT ENOUGH FORCE TO CLIMB ALL THE WAY
INTO THE NFL’S ASSHOLE. FORMER ATHLETES ACCOUNT FOR ALMOST 1/3
OF ESPN PERSONALITIES, AND WITH A GRAMMATICAL ERROR
EVERY FIFTH WORD, A NORMAL SEGMENT CONTAINS NEARLY 400 INSTANCES
OF FLAWED SYNTAX. SIMPLE MATHEMATICS TELLS US THAT IS A STATISTICAL ANOMALY. CHRIS BERMAN’S
WEEKLY 2-MINUTE DRILL RUNS AN AVERAGE
OF 5 MINUTES AND 11 SECONDS. THAT’S 5 MINUTES AND 11 SECONDS
MORE THAN ANYONE OUTSIDE OF BUFFALO WANTS TO HEAR CHRIS BERMAN
GARGLE ON ALL SEVEN OF HIS CHINS. AND THAT PAINFULLY UNAWARE
PUDGY OLD MAN MAKES $3 MILLION A YEAR. THAT’S MORE THAN ALL-PROS
ANDREW LUCK AND JULIO JONES. SCIENCE! FOR A MEASLY $5.64 BILLION, ESPN WON
THE BROADCASTING RIGHTS TO THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS FOR THE NEXT 12 YEARS. ZERO DOLLARS OF THAT WILL GO
TO THE ATHLETES. ESPN PROFITS
OFF KIDS PLAYING FOOTBALL, WHICH MEANS THEY SUPPORT KIDS
GETTING BRAIN DAMAGE, WHICH MEANS ESPN
WANTS CHILDREN TO DIE, OR TO PUT IT
IN SCIENTIFIC TERMS, ESPN LOVES KILLING KIDS. SCIENCE. FOR SPORTSCIENCE.0, I’M DANIEL TOSH. FOR THE RECORD,
THAT WAS NOT AIMED AT MIKE AND MIKE, SIMMONS, BEADLE, PTI, LE BATARD. YOU GUYS ARE COOL.

100 thoughts on “Tosh.0 – Sport Science.0”

  1. Brandon Gravitt says:

    "ESPN's 72 Personalities, who have no personality, can somehow manage to exert enough force to climb all the way into the NFL's asshole".

    "Five minutes and eleven seconds, that's five minutes and eleven seconds more than anyone, outside of Buffalo wants to hear Chris Berman gargle on all seven of his chins!"

    Holy shit, he is pissed!

  2. Zach V says:

    LeBatard!

  3. EarthWorms77 says:

    That was fucking brilliant

  4. Glenda Zwambag says:

    shout out lebatard! woo

  5. princeofmyownmind theycanttakethataway says:

    That was freaking EPIC..AMERICA. THATS WHY

  6. Bryan Escalante says:

    now is clear why he doesn't do roast he would definitely destroy the person getting roasted

  7. Benjamin Allen says:

    Wow ESPN could get sewed

  8. Smart Water says:

    Daniel tosh is the funniest guy in the world

  9. RockkToWn Drillinois Insane says:

    Science!

  10. Mike Haxard says:

    No s*** are these numbers real

  11. BlackTuxedoes says:

    why the fuck did they put goalie gear on him the second time πŸ˜‚

  12. Trent Irvin says:

    I miss this time

  13. Michael Ruiz says:

    live this video so much. fk SECpn. i dont watch that garbage

  14. A Perfect and Humble Guy says:

    Yo, come WATCH my retarded videos because you are just as stupid as me .

  15. A Perfect and Humble Guy says:

    If you like Daniel Tosh, you have my sense of humor and you will enjoy my videos as well. Wanna give it a shot?

  16. Adam Olvera says:

    Those bastard stole tosh his line.

  17. ricky spanish says:

    OWNED!

  18. Matt Sheiman says:

    Y O U F U C K I N G H A C K S

  19. R J says:

    That was gold Daniel. Gold!

  20. Joey Shy says:

    Don't rip off tosh. He will put you on blast.

  21. Ronnie Warford says:

    Mike and Mike is actually a good radio show lmao

  22. damankingdong says:

    Thought I was watching content cop

  23. Canaris Simmons says:

    Tosh is a twink

  24. Max Frankow says:

    Lol, "MTV has a PG- girl version of this show…" damn, Dydrek. Tosh just napalmed you.

  25. Ivory says:

    I wonder if Tosh or Comedy Central sued those people for stealing his web redemption line.

  26. Branden FarBanger says:

    Nice one comedy central

  27. Joshua Black says:

    Damn, this was accurate and hilarious, he burned the heck out of ESPN 🀣🀣🀣

  28. Cody Ladson says:

    We love Chis Berman though

  29. dwill180 says:

    Those hand gestures were killing me, feel like nobody really got it but the presenter from ESPN who does sports science is always doing some shit with this hands

  30. Dennis Nedry says:

    Bruh you mess with ESPN you mess with the Disney Goliath and they give no fucks

  31. Michael Thompson says:

    Freaking hilarious

  32. Arturo Mendoza says:

    I just noticed his hands in that skit the 2nd time watching this

  33. Donovan Nungasak says:

    Did they seriously get away with stealing your web-redemption routine?

  34. Ren21815 says:

    I remember when ESPN actually talked about sports instead of being left wing propaganda.

  35. Jamaica Martin says:

    He so petty I love it lol

  36. Felipe Hernandez says:

    How many assholes does ESPN have now? Wow🀣

  37. TripKitchen says:

    ESPN get REKT

  38. Buck E says:

    235 dislikes are all ESPN employees, funny stuff.

  39. George Marx says:

    I agree. Michelle beadle, and mikes are the best. I wish brousard was at espn still but he is always on fox.

  40. Sharolyn Shepherd says:

    shawn calibuso loves joy

  41. Jo Bckts says:

    Yep, NFL players %76 convicts. Millionaire, crying baby, Convicts who beat their woman to sleep.

  42. Hank Hall says:

    Tosh as Deadpool. Best hero ever!!!

  43. Of All My Intention says:

    3:24 Could not be more spot-on.

  44. OCDetailing ocd says:

    Poked the bear lol

  45. Gregory Clemens says:

    wow, just seeing this and learned Burt Reynolds died, coincidence, I don't think so.

  46. Anthony Vogler says:

    fuck espn

  47. Eric Adams says:

    He straight up slayed espn. Lol

  48. Jarmahent says:

    Fuck football

  49. Sir Fast says:

    Awesome

  50. Mr Yuk says:

    easy Tosh… you didnt coin the phrase…
    besides…
    didn't you make fun of stolen valor? whats the difference?

  51. d.A.v Malone says:

    I fucking loved that! Fuck you tosh

  52. Humphrey Jones says:

    Lol…get em Daniel

  53. Crayo Gaming Channel says:

    It has been months and I still haven’t found the outro song for Comedy Central

  54. josue L Josh says:

    Lmfao. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ bill nine son

  55. Chill City says:

    FUCK ESPN

  56. Cesar Punski says:

    Savage!

  57. Justin Buchanan says:

    Love this!

  58. Petor Galore says:

    technically real science

  59. Robert Elliott says:

    ESPN must be pro-choice.😁

  60. Ric Bradley says:

    He laid waste to them lmao

  61. amirmorales620 says:

    GOAAT

  62. Wicked says:

    πŸ€£πŸ˜‚….

  63. RowdyRodney1 says:

    Loved it

  64. j feezee says:

    Gorgeous video! 3million thumbs up!!!!

  65. Hank Hall says:

    you can tell he isn't joking he is super pissed off. Love it!

  66. velvet jones says:

    Do people still watch ESPN?

  67. WC Flores says:

    Lmao good job Daniel, kick there asses

  68. Kenny O'Connor says:

    How dare you copy a guy who exploits and mocks people for a living.

  69. Bearded Mainer says:

    Please tell me you sued the fuck out of that gay ass ESPN channel

  70. Jeff Huntsinger says:

    Jerking off the sec is RIGHT!!

  71. TheDsX says:

    A question: what the hell was that carpet doing there?

  72. LargerOyster ! says:

    Imagine if ESPN sued him for showing there content on his own show

  73. ADUB0017 says:

    This was so good!!

  74. Joseph Netherland says:

    the hand positions were killing me LMAO

  75. SirLiftsAlot says:

    Roasted espn

  76. M3Γ…N_STR3Γ…K89 says:

    if you pause the video at 4:37 you can clearly see this reptilians holographic pinkie glitching the fuk out. Those are not Human hands. The organic Hybrid robotoids grown underground are all missing pinkie fingers so they use holographic crystal projections to add them in. You can see the crystal on his shirt just below his left hand, it's a little blue rectangle.

  77. paulie granado says:

    BAHAHAHAHAHA

  78. southrichmondmallz says:

    Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

  79. Xavier King says:

    It's hilarious and true about the ESPN, and got dark at the end

  80. Cash is King trucking says:

    ESPN bad

  81. The NC Dirt Detectives says:

    Tosh kinda reminds me of Stephen Colbert in his younger days and on his old comedy Central show…. I think he'd make a great late night show host one day…..

  82. Scotty Geverink says:

    "His name is, uhhhh he's got a name." ESPN's finest

  83. THE ONE THEY CALL WISE says:

    Daniel tosh is awesomeπŸ‘

  84. Miss. Danni Tiger says:

    1:30 4:10

  85. Dave Sovar says:

    ESPN has been shit for decades.

  86. LikeBomBa says:

    He is copying Angela Merkel with his hands. Good Guy πŸ‘πŸΌ

  87. rob black says:

    "ESPN spends .02 % of their time jerking off the SEC…"
    Missed a couple decimals there: "ESPN spends 200% of their time jerking off the SEC"
    FTFY Dan.

  88. casper daghost says:

    Haha I was like wtf is up with his hands lol

  89. pdp4scs says:

    What a savage!

  90. I'm no Longer A Scared of the dark says:

    His greatest segment period

  91. Gilliganfrog says:

    "ESPN loves killing kids. Science." My favorite line!

  92. Burnell Brown says:

    Love this

  93. Matt B. says:

    Man, when Tosh gets crossed he takes the gloves off and does not hold back.

  94. Jameson Bornholdt says:

    Wow Daniel went OFF on ESPN πŸ˜‚ he was even secretly flipping at the end lol. Love it

  95. Nick says:

    "Mike and Mike, Simmons, Beadle, PTI and Le Batard." Not surprised honestly.

  96. Jorge Valles says:

    Is it real on Tuesday

  97. the human highlight reel says:

    A PG girl version.
    πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€

  98. Chrisy Nova says:

    this is funny because he stole this idea from ray william johnson

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