Secret Word with Kristen Wiig – SNL


>>YOU’RE WATCHING THE
GAME SHOW NETWORK. AT 10:00, IT’S “QUIZ PICKS.”
BUT FIRST, “SECRET WORD.”>>IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME
THE STARS PLAY.
“SECRET WORD” WITH YOUR HOST, GRANT CHOAD!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>WELCOME TO “SECRET WORD.”
I’M GRANT CHOAD. [ LAUGHTER ]
IT’S SUCH A THRILL TO BE TAKING OVER AS THE NEW HOST OF THE SHOW
AND BE AMERICA’S FIRST BLACK GAME SHOW HOST.
I THINK IT HAPPENED BECAUSE I AUDITIONED OVER THE PHONE —
[ LAUGHTER ] OVER THE PHONE.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE MISSING THE PREVIOUS HOST,
MR. LYLE ROUND, HE RECENTLY RETIRED TO PALM SPRINGS AND SENT
US PRERECORDED MESSAGE FOR HIS FANS.
>>I’M SORRY I’M NOT THERE. I STOPPED WANTED TO BE.
ALL RIGHT! [ LAUGHTER ]
>>THANK YOU, LYLE. YOU ENJOY YOUR RETIREMENT.
OKAY, WHY DON’T WE MEET OUR CELEBRITIES.
FIRST GUEST IS A REGULAR ON THE SHOW AND IS BEST KNOWN FOR HER
WORK ON THE BROADWAY STAGE. PLEASE WELCOME
MINDY ELISE GRAYSON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪>>OH, HELLO!
WHEN I’M NOT DOING THIS, I’M WAITING TO DO THIS!
[ LAUGHTER ]>>OH, MINDY, YOU LOOK AMAZING
AS ALWAYS.>>OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
GRANT. I LUBED MY LIPS WITH MARGARINE,
AND I’M WEARING SCOTCH TAPE ON MY TEMPLES TO HOLD MY FACE UP.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>HA HA HA, TERRIFIC.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND WE ARE VERY LUCKY TO HAVE
OUR NEXT CELEBRITY. SHE’S THE ITALIAN STAR OF SUCH
MOVIES AS “IL BASTARDO” AND “LA VIDA PIZZA.”
[ LAUGHTER ] PLEASE WELCOME ITALIAN BOMBSHELL
ISABELLA LA COPPOLA! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪>>IT’S SO GOOD TO BE HERE.
OH MY GOD, LOOK, MY LITTLE BAMBINO FOLLOWED ME OUT HERE.
COME ON! WHAT DID I TELL YOU, HUH?
GO HOME! GO HOME!
[ DOG WHIMPERING ] YOU WANNA MORE THAN I CAN GIVE,
BABY. COME ON!
[ LAUGHTER ]>>OH, WOW.
ALL RIGHT, THAT CHIHUAHUA REALLY LOVES YOU.
BUT HEY, I CAN’T SAY THAT I BLAME HIM.
>>HEY, WATCHA YOUR MOUTH! I’M SORRY, BABY.
I LOVE YOU. DON’T BE MAD AT ME.
>>OH, WELL YOU ARE AN EMOTIONAL JACK IN THE BOX.
LET’S BEGIN THE GAME, SHALL WE? MINDY, ARE YOU READY?
>>YES, JUST LET ME DO MY VOCAL WARMUP.
TANYA TOLD THE TEACHER THAT THE PREACHER DIDN’T TOUCH HER.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE PREACHER TOLD THE TEACHER
THAT HE SIMPLY COULDN’T REACH HER.
LET’S GO. [ LAUGHTER ]
LET’S PLAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>10 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK, MINDY.
>>THE SECRET WORD IS BRANCH.>>ALL RIGHT, OKAY, LOOK AT ME.
THIS ONE’S EASY.>>REMEMBER, MINDY.
DO NOT SAY THE SECRET WORD.>>I THINK I’VE PLAYED THIS GAME
ENOUGH TO KNOW THE RULES. I KNOW YOU’RE NEW, BUT I’VE GOT
THIS COVERED. BRANCH.
[ BUZZER ] [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>>SHE SAID THE SECRET WORD, HUH?
[ SPEAKING ITALIAN ]>>OKAY, OKAY.
JUST RELAX, MINDY.>>HEY, HEY!
[ LAUGHTER ]>>MINDY, YOU SAID THE SECRET
WORD.>>YES, I DID.
IT’S THE ACTRESS IN ME. I SEE A WORD, AND I BRING IT TO
LIFE. JUST LIKE I DID IN THE PLAY,
“SHE STOOPS TO CONCORD: THE STORY OF A LEGLESS GRAPE
PICKER.” [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
MAMA! MAMA!
I PICKED ALL THE GRAPES! CAN SOMEONE THROW ME ON THE
TRUCK? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME I DIDN’T
HAVE LEGS? [ LAUGHTER ]
THE “NEW YORK TIMES” SAID, “BAAAD!”
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]>>ALL RIGHT, LET’S GO OVER TO
ISABELLA’S TEAM. ISABELLA, YOU GOING TO GIVE OR
RECEIVE?>>I WILL GIVE UNTIL THERE’S
NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE.>>WELL.
THAT WILL COOK MY SPAGHETTI. 10 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.
>>THE SECRET WORD IS BIRD.>>IS BIRD.
[ BUZZER ]>>HEY, WHAT’S THE MATTER, I
TELL YOU WHAT IT AND IS YOU SIT WITH A DONKEY IN THE SQUARE.
>>DON’T HIT ME AGAIN.>>BUT I WANT YOU.
>>ISABELLA, YOU SAID THE SECRET WORD.
I CAN’T GIVE YOU A POINT. WELL, MINDY, I GUESS IT’S YOUR
TURN AGAIN.>>MAYBE YOU SHOULD RECEIVE THIS
TIME?>>OH, LAST TIME I RECEIVED WAS
AFTER A DRUNKEN NIGHT WITH PRODUCER DARRYL ZANUCK.
[ LAUGHTER ] HE MADE ME COVER MY FACE WITH
ONE OF ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S PUBLICITY PHOTOS.
[ LAUGHTER ] I JUST WISH THERE HAD BEEN
EYEHOLES. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>YOU KNOW, WE DON’T NEED A STORY EVERY TIME.
[ LAUGHTER ] LET’S PUT 10 SECONDS ON THE
CLOCK.>>ALL RIGHT.
>>THE SECRET WORD IS FLORAL.>>ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS A NICE WORD. IT’S WHAT YOU GIVE ON OPENING
NIGHT.>>CHAMPAGNE?
>>NO. IT’S WHAT YOU GIVE THE DIRECTOR
FOR CASTING YOU IN THE SHOW.>>A CARD.
>>AH, I DIDN’T WANT TO GET GRAPHIC.
IT’S WHEN YOU UNDO HIS TUXEDO ZIPPER AND SING INTO HIS PINK
FRIEND. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>WHAT?>>OH, WAIT.
I GOT HAND CREAM ON MY SCREEN. IT’S FLORAL, NOT ORAL.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DID ORAL.
[ BUZZER ] [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>>MINDY? YOU SAID THE SECRET WORD AGAIN.
AND YOU ALSO SAID “PINK FRIEND.” [ LAUGHTER ]
>>I KNOW I DID. I BLEW IT, JUST LIKE I BLEW ALL
MY LINES IN THE MUSICAL, “SIAMESE SALLY AND THE PAD THAI
CLAN.” [ LAUGHTER ]
HERE’S THE 11:00 NUMBER, HIT IT! ♪♪♪
♪ WHO’S HUNGRY FOR SPRING ROLLS SIAM SIAM
WHAT’S BRINGING TOM YUM SHE AM SHE AM ♪
♪♪♪>>STOP IT!
[ LAUGHTER ] STOP THAT!
WE’LL BE BACK AFTER THIS MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSOR,
WINSTON BABY CIGARETTES. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪♪♪

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