r/maliciouscompliance | “You CAN’T Park Your Golf Cart HERE!”
r/maliciouscompliance | “You CAN’T Park Your Golf Cart HERE!”


Neighbor tells Gramps he should “mind his
own dang business”. That advice costs neighbor most of his yard and a car.
OCL Gramps had just moved into a retirement park
with a lot that backed up to county land that was a nature preserve. His backyard was basically
non-existent, but he didn’t mind as he got to look out over the preserve, however he
did marvel at how his next door neighbor’s backyard extended a good 8ft past his, giving
neighbor a nice space back there. Gramps tried to be friendly with all his new
neighbors, exchanging phone numbers and the like, and one day he noticed the next door
neighbor was putting down expensive pavers that extended from his back door all the way
to the old fence posts that designated the preserve boundary. Gramps watched the neighbor
yank the three rickety fence posts out of the ground and move them back an extra two
feet into the preserve before pounding them back in, then started to clear the land, intending
to gain himself more area for his pavers. Gramps used to work for the national park
services as a young lad, so he thought he had better warn his neighbor of the consequences
of his actions, so he heads out back for a little chat. Neighbor is immediately defensive
and before Gramps says much, neighbor tells him “you’re new here, I’ve been here
10 years” and to “mind your own dang business.” Gramps decides not to press the issue. Nothing happens that year, but the following
year when most of the park emptied out to head north for the summer the county comes
by to check on the preserve. Gramps notices them going back and forth behind his neighbor’s
house, the workers are pulling out maps and taking photos and making phone calls and soon
more guys show up. Turns out neighbor has moved the posts several times over the years,
and in reality his backyard is supposed to be even smaller than Gramp’s backyard! To
make it worse, neighbor put pavers in the back specifically to park both his golf cart
AND a cherry red sports car back there for the summer, so the county will have to move
them before they can do anything else. They tape a notice to the front door and leave. Gramps goes over to read it, and it states
that neighbor was in violation of encroaching onto protected lands, he has 30 days to move
his car, tear up the pavers and pay a fine of $11,000 (because of damage to endangered
species who inhabit the protected lands, as well as trespassing fees). Failure to do so
within 30 days will result in golf cart & car being towed and impounded, pavers will be
dug up and carted off at neighbor’s expense and the fine will increased for every additional
day past the deadline. 30 days comes and goes, so a week after that
Gramps has quite the show as first the car and cart were towed, pavers were dug up and
hauled off, and the old fence posts and ropes were replaced with metal posts embedded into
buried cement bases, connected by steel cables. Whole process took several weeks to finish,
but the preserve looked a lot more legit when they were done. A few solar cameras were installed
so the county could monitor the wildlife (and encroachers) remotely, meanwhile more notices
were taped to the front door of neighbor’s house. By November the snowbirds were flooding back
into the park, including neighbor. That was Gramps’ 2nd show of the summer as neighbor
reads all the notices, digging down until he reads the first one, then runs out back
and starts screaming and cussing up a storm before running back to his car to dig out
his cell phone so he can call the county to find out where his car and golf cart were.
Gramps stays indoors to avoid the guy as he is frantically trying to unload his car, turn
on his water and electricity, get the ac and the toilets going, and all the while trying
to get someone at county to pick up the phone and give him some answers. He finally gets
a live person and proceeds to scream at them while on speakerphone about his car and cart,
so the call keeps getting kicked to other people because who wants to help a screamer?
Basically neighbor is told to come to the county office to get this straightened out. Three days later neighbor catches Gramps outside
and asks if he was here when the county “stole his car and destroyed his backyard”. Gramps
said he was, and neighbor says “well why didn’t you call me when you saw them putting
notices on my door? You had my number up north!” Gramps said he had thought about doing that,
but figured neighbor would prefer him to “mind his own dang business”, so he decided against
it. My grandfather shuts down main street with
some malicious compliance. This is my absolute favorite story about my
late grandfather, I was young at the time this happened but have talked to a few people
in adulthood to get a few details I didn’t know before. My grandfather lived on main street in a small
farming town of a few thousand. The town was layed out in the classic grid pattern off
the main highway. On his property he had 3 large pine trees 40-50 feet high in a line
fairly close to the sidewalk and over the years the roots had started to lift up and
crack some of the sidewalk. Understandably the town wasn’t pleased and
wanted the trees removed so further damage wasnt incurred. Instead of coming to my grandfather
to find a solution they sent over an invoice for “tree removal from property” that amounted
to more than his yearly property tax. Instead of paying he chose malicious compliance.
He took out his chainsaw and felled all 3 trees right across main street. Without warning.
On a long weekend friday. When the town responded with a few workers my grandfather bluntly
argued the trees werent on his property therefore couldn’t be charged for their removal. They
looked at the invoice the town sent and rather than argue with the most stubborn man in town
they decided to just cut up and haul off the trees themselves. It took all afternoon and
traffic was detoured around the block. They patched the sidewalk and the stumps are still
there to this day. The town got the trees removed and my grandfather didn’t pay a cent,
win win. You want me to waste 5 hours a week doing
busywork? Fine by me… For context, I am an AP student who has an
absolute crapload of work to do every day. However, I forgot to take the mandatory health
class. I had low expectations for that class, but it was worse than even I could have expected. I have to stay 2 and a half hours every Tuesday
and Thursday, AFTER normal school hours, do some random bullcrap assignments some self
important district admin came up with about how bullying is way not cool and how you shouldn’t
eat glue for the whole time. Not only is it insulting, but it’s a literal waste of time,
because I have actual work to do that will heavily affect my grades in important classes. So I get an assignment today, that says I
need to come up with 5 skits, relating to the following topics: -refusal -negotiation -collaboration -conflict resolution and I crap you not, -how to offer assistance and respond to a
person empathetically Cue malicious compliance I created the five weirdest, most surreal
stories I could come up with while still adhering to the central theme. In case formatting issues
arrive, here is the open google docs link for the text below. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KiYM5aNre91t5QH5nYPdodVy6gYN1McL22xkgiQAkcw/edit?usp=sharing Task 1.4.4 Skit 1: refusal There is a lemon lying on a countertop. It
is green. A man can be seen in the distance, smiling. He approaches the lemon. “This lemon is representative of drugs.”
he says, grinning maniacally. “This is good.” Another man appears, materializing aggressively.
He is not happy. “The lemon is representative of drugs!”
he says, a deep frown creasing his features. “Would you like to taste of the metaphorical
cocaine, comrade?” the first man asks. “I politely yet firmly refuse, comrade.”
The second man replies. “This is good.” “That is good.” the first man agrees. A third man, who was not previously visible,
steps into frame. He is also not happy. “Inject it into your being!.” He says,
far more aggressively than is strictly necessary. “That is peer pressure.” chorus the first
two men, in unison. They are visibly holding hands. “That is not good.” The third man is visibly frustrated. He abruptly
drops to the ground and starts doing pushups while reciting the Bible in Japanese. The two first men look at each other with
longing. They begin to sway in rhythm with the third man’s pushups, while he disintegrates
rapidly, screaming all the while. “He is gone.” They say together, then
walk away into the sunset. Skit 2: negotiation A short man can be seen standing against a
brick wall. You get the vague impression that he is craving lemons. Another man walks in front of him. That makes
the first man very unhappy. “You have violated my boundaries and committed
numerous atrocities in my presence.” he says in a monotone voice. The second man stops cold in his tracks, his
heading swiveling 180 degrees to meet the other man’s eyes. “I respectfully disagree. I have committed
no such atrocities.” A table materializes in between them, along
with two carved wooden armchairs. They sit, accompanied by a floating kettle
of tea and other teatime paraphernalia “Explain my atrocities.” The second man
prompts. “I have no such need when you stand accused
before me.” The first retaliates. “I see. If there is no changing your mind,
then will this 15 cent coupon to Papa Johns suffice?” The second man proffers the coupon. The first man looks at it, humbled. He violently
ejects himself from his chair, falling on his face before the second man. “I AM NOT WORTHY!” He screams, for this
gift was generous and unexpected. “And that is why I am called the negotiator.”
The second man says, his soul devoid of any feeling and his mind numb with fatigue. The
table disappears, and the two men go their separate ways, conflicts resolved. Skit 3: collaboration A man can be seen stacking stones. They are
rounded and not conducive to stacking. He is visibly frustrated. A second man approaches, with a third not
far behind him. They smell of lemons. “Hello.” They say in unison. “We see
you are having difficulty.” “Yes I am.” The first man says. His face
is devoid of emotion and his soul is empty. “Allow us to help you.” They say, still
speaking in perfect unison. Together, the three men erect a monument,
with the stone’s smooth edges squared off by chipping, so as to allow them to be stacked.
They laugh maniacally as they survey their handiwork. Soon, they will be able to confront
God and ask him why he has made them this way. A fourth man appears. He is visibly upset. He looks at the tower is distaste. He decides
to attempt to knock it over. The other three men notice, and shuffle arhythmically
towards him. “That is not good.” they say with no inflection. “Why.” he says, equally monotone. “We worked hard to construct this tower
so we may collectively shake our stick at the creator.” they explain, once more in
perfect unison. “I see.” The third man says. “Since destroying this monument to human
insolence would upset you, I have elected not to do so.” He says, shortly before spontaneously
combusting and disappearing. “That is good.” The remaining three say,
knowing that their collaboration made this possible and their negotiation has saved it. Skit 4: conflict resolution Two men stand near each other, fists balled
and nostrils flared. They remain this way for hours, unmoving and unblinking. Unhurriedly, one breaks the silence. “You will participate in inner city gang
activities.” He says. “I will not.” replies the other, who appears
to be wearing a lemon scented necktie, “for I would miss Letterman.”
“While that is a sound excuse, my anger will blind me to the logic of your argument
and I will thusly stand here and pressure you until you bend to my will.” A third man can be seen exiting a Papa John’s
nearby, visibly excited. He notices the other two men, and hastily
hand-stand walks in their direction, spilling pizza and soda everywhere. “What seems to be the problems, comrades?”
He yells, still doing a handstand and roughly 20 meters away at this point. “He will not participate in gang related
activities.” Says the gang member. “I see.” Says the third man, now 10 meters
away. “I have come to resolve this conflict and change your mind.” “That is not possible, as I am part of the
flamingo shorts gang for life.” The gang man says. “Are you aware that any and all gang related
activities are illegal?” Handstand man asks, still yelling and now only inches away. The flamingo shorts man staggers backwards,
as if he has been physically stricken. His face contorts and he falls to the ground,
clutching his chest. “I did not!” He says, surprised. Handstand man chuckles, while backwards hand-stand
walking away menacingly. Flamingo shorts man can be seen hastily removing
his flamingo shorts, as he was not aware that gang activities were illegal. He turns his
life around and becomes the president. And the first man? He went home to watch Letterman.
And all was good. Skit 5: how to ask offer assistance and respond
to a person empathetically A sad, small man who appears to have lemon
juice in his eyes is sobbing quietly in a corner of a deserted hallway. Footsteps can be heard echoing through the
empty halls. They sound aggressive. An impossibly tall man thunders down the hallway,
fury etched in every line of his face. The small man opens his eyes, terrified. Suddenly, the tall one stops. The anger drains
from his face, and he stoops down next to the crying man. “What is it, my child?” He queries. The small man is visibly repulsed by his phrasing,
but obliges him nonetheless. “Father, I cannot click the book.” He
says, very earnestly. The tall one nods, showing his understanding. “You also appear to have citric acid in
your eyes.” He says, empathetically. Without moving his body, his neck stretches
until his head is level with the other mans. “Be gone.” He says to the citrus. Fearing the repercussions, they retreat. Standing back up, he says “I would not like
citrus in my eyes either, so I understand your pain, son.” The small man, still terrified, stands and
begins walking. They both walk off into the distance, having
gained a deeper understanding of each other on that day.

69 thoughts on “r/maliciouscompliance | “You CAN’T Park Your Golf Cart HERE!””

  1. Melly Kidd says:

    That was some very avant-garde play writing, there XD

  2. Indy Indie says:

    The skits sounded quite manga-esque to me

  3. Peter Mainstone-Mitchell says:

    The lemon conflict resolution one was effing priceless and worthy of Lewis Carroll!

  4. Geoffrey Smith says:

    Dude, why do you have so many ad breaks? Other readers don't have a fraction as yours…and they're the long ones…considering unsub-ing…

  5. Elana Cooper says:

    The word is pronounced en-crow-churs , not en-roachers , sorry I'm just picky

  6. Victor Valdez says:

    Those skits were almost a violently surreal as a SCP involving "Are We Cool Yet?" The complete disregard for logic & narrative causality were a thing of beauty. Excellent, 10 Grinning Troll Faces out of 10.

  7. animeboy462 says:

    Every story cover the 5 topics

  8. Martin Nielsen says:

    I love the weirdness of those 5 stories

  9. Tal Sheynkman says:

    I think I might have lemon-relates nightmares for a few weeks…

  10. SaibaX says:

    That my friends, is what happens when you mix a copious amount of lemons with an equally copious amount of acid.

  11. Carlotta Hall says:

    That last one was awesome! I wonder what drugs HE was on, I say while sipping my lemonade and trying in vain to click the book.

  12. Eileen Geldenhuys says:

    Remember those really weird Japanese adds where people are made of ice cream and end up eating themselves? Those skits had the exact same vibe to them and I absolutely loved every single moment of hearing you read them.

  13. XJetfireX says:

    9:20 So he just created five typical GMod video scenarios 😀

  14. First Name Last Name says:

    Never eat glue while you're getting bullied that's just rude

  15. First Name Last Name says:

    And that last one is probably a YouTube video somewhere

  16. This Young Tony says:

    Hey Jake, would you consider adding a "1” to this channel because sometimes I don’t get to you videos till later and my phone shuts down every day and have to search it but they're a few channels with the name ”Storytime” and one of those also do redder and you don't always show up but u have no problem if I search ”Storytime 2” so I figured it would help.

  17. UKMonkey says:

    Jake: "manically" is the word you keep saying. "maniacally" is the word written. They mean very different things, you should look these up.

  18. Akhil Kasiram says:

    The last story sounded like it came from a Nathan w Pyle comic

  19. Karagianis says:

    I really want to see someone animate those sketches! That was both nonsense and a thing of beauty 😀

  20. MistsMagic says:

    Does anyone else have the urge to watch Rejected Cartoons…?

  21. Ren Dori says:

    that last one i thought exactly the same by the end lol

  22. ElineEllie says:

    If those skits had been made, they would have gone viral so quickly

  23. ScorchingLizard says:

    Father, I cannot click the book

  24. Vee Valentine says:

    The lemon loving comrade is the best story writer I’ve ever had the pleasure of listening to from a YouTube channel far away from his actual post.

  25. Bradley Jordan says:

    The power point presentation made me want unsubscribe. Wasnt even a good story

  26. pinkmidget3212 says:

    Those skits remind me of “in a nutshell” videos 😂

  27. naturalbaby says:

    Last story was boring and horrible

  28. cimogm says:

    He got rob of 5 points? Sounded like he should have been given extra points for originality. Also, sounded like something that my grandson would have animated for extra credit.

  29. Jacollo666 says:

    What you just read is a thing of beautiful nonsense!

  30. NTRed LoIi says:

    I IMAGINED EVERYTHING WITH MEN WEARING WHITE FULL BODY LATEX AS A SKIN,

  31. Russell Golden says:

    It was clearly beautiful nonsense.

  32. Susan Beal says:

    The author of the 5 malicious compliance skits was completely brilliant!!! I laughed about the continuity of the lemon and Papa John's references

  33. Ronald Black says:

    WTF?

  34. Doug Long says:

    They all sucked.

  35. Athena De Leon says:

    If enough youtubers reenact the skits, stg i'll animate it their dramatic readings

  36. LunarAvenger says:

    I did wonder what surrealism would be in literary form. Lemon fish pickle

  37. CrivMizzet says:

    Damn lemons sneaking in and taking our jobs

  38. A Pink Poodle says:

    That skit part is straight out of a Lemongrab episode for Adventure Time

  39. M Courter says:

    The fuck is with the lemon video

  40. Lyle Knox says:

    Is acid making a comeback?! 🙂

  41. COL 1 says:

    Half way through the first skit I zoned out, came round half way through skit 5 and thought…. ffs is he still taking?!

  42. stewart edwards says:

    That last story was the most tedious load of bollocks l have ever heard.

  43. Anthony Pecha says:

    This reminds me of nonsensical french short stories.

    I can see them drawn out and animated exactly as described in the early tom and jerry art styles. All voices are Simlish (the Sims language) but speech bubbles transcribe the events.

    It just feels like a fever dream or thought up on acid. But has an artistic right to exist. Its so dumb, but captivating.

  44. Matthew O'Dell says:

    150 poor souls do not comprehend the importance of avant garde theater. May the good Lord have lemon upon them.

  45. Katie Hill says:

    The moment when im just completely confused with the skits…..wtf. xD

  46. John Długosz says:

    On the last story, I wonder what he got marks off for?

  47. OverkillSD says:

    This is the second time I've heard you say "enroaching" instead of "encroaching" (EN-CROW-CHING). Encroaching means intruding on – often used to describe crossing a boundary (most commonly used as a penalty in American football when the defenders cross into the offense's territory before the play starts).

  48. Dark Mombie Nova says:

    Honey I'm as lost as you are with the last one

  49. Scotchmellow says:

    Imagine complaining about having to learn about bullying. Stuff like that is important to know

  50. Knowinvis says:

    So many ads

  51. Whitney Hall says:

    I'm sorry but the lemon skits just sound like Night Vale Traffic

  52. Sandra Nelson says:

    Loved the skit story. Moral is, don't force smart people to waste their time doing stupid stuff.

  53. Kris says:

    Golf cart story was good. The other part was super boring…

  54. 1313puredragon says:

    skits from Nightvale community theatre

  55. 1313puredragon says:

    it was a thing of beautiful nonsense

  56. EstivalEquinox says:

    These skits sound like something the youtuber Surreal Entertainment would animate

  57. potaterjim says:

    En-CROACH-er

  58. guy fox says:

    Wtf was the last story? Sry got to down vote so you never read that again.

  59. Old Gus says:

    "I can't tell if that was nonsense or a thing of beauty."
    To provide clarity to your confusion comrade, I profer this answer: да, это отлично.
    Also, here is a lemon.

  60. moogie1954 says:

    Please don't do that again (the "skits"). They…. how could I say this nicely…. sucked.

  61. doodlebug411 says:

    Someone needs to make a YouTube video of people acting out those skits.

  62. maggPi Prime says:

    So…. did this guy animate his skits? Bribe friends to act them out while he filmed them? Or just write and hand in the scripts?
    Sounds like avant-garde art films of the 1960's and 1970's. Ground-breaking stuff. And boring as Hell.

  63. Bianca Jennings says:

    I can see my local high school performing that.

  64. corvus13 says:

    Trust me, it was nonsense.

  65. Gwen Patton says:

    Reminds me of Monty Python's "Confuse-A-Cat" sketch. (For some reason, it isn't on Youtube that I can find.)
    https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ovimx

  66. Elianae says:

    Op's skits are absolute shite, please never do that again

  67. alberto escamilla says:

    Da fuq did you just read?

  68. Pamela O'Reilly says:

    Hated the skits!!!

  69. recentteen14 says:

    I have to wonder how much LSD that dude was on when they made those skits…

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