Ozzy Man Reviews: Soccer Cow
Ozzy Man Reviews: Soccer Cow

Let’s cross back over to India ladies and gentlemen. Here we have a cow, Helga Longhorn, walking around the streets, it’s a cow friendly neighbourhood. Considering a large portion of the population in India is vegetarian, Helga feels safe to be walking around. She’s like one of the people. She’s got a house, a car, a bank account, she’s allowed to vote, and as we can see she’s very fond of soccer. The cheeky sheila has been passionate about the sport since she was a calf. Her inspirations are cliché, yet admirable: Beckham, Ronaldo, Messi, and of course Timmy Cahill from the socceroos. I believe Tim offered her a position to play with the Socceroos in the last World Cup. And why wouldn’t ya? Look at that sexy as fuck foot work. Those cow feet are strong yet dexterous, nimble yet stable. She is like “which one of you dickheads wants to try take this from me. C’mon. Man up. Have a go. Try to fucken tackle me and see what happens.” Anyway, as I said Tim wanted her to join the socceroos. Unfortunately, she couldn’t make it to Russia. She had to decline the opportunity due to Cow Based Responsibilities. It’s the saddest “almost famous” story in sports. Aw look at this dodgy wanker. He tried to sneak up on Helga from behind. She’s too aware, though. She has eyes in the back of her head. These fellas are like seagulls trying to steal ya fish and chips. Lurking, circling, she yells “fuck off” and another shit-cunt has a go at her. He fails miserably and has to jog on like a little bitch. Helga scoots away, putting some space between her and the opponents. I’m not criticising her, but I would like to see a shot on goal soon. Aw look out, the vultures are back. And there’s interference on the field, it’s Vitaly’s girlfriend, oh no it’s a bloke going to pick the kids up from school. Have a look at this smug face. These fellas truly think they can defeat Helga. She’s World Cup material and—Oh they got it. What the fuck were you doing Helga? Bloody hell. Now she’s nothing but a piggy in the middle. All of these blokes are yelling at her, making fun of her, they’re like “show us your email from Tim Cahill again.” Obviously, it was a fake email. These guys tricked Helga. I hate getting tricked by Indian scammers. It’s happened to me half a dozen times, this one time in New Delhi, a guy in a rickshaw said he’d take me to the Red Fort, I never saw the Red Fort. I spent half a day in his uncle’s retail shop where I bought a cashmere scarf and a Big Fuck Off Ancient Knife. Of course, the knife got confiscated by customs, I was questioned and stripped naked—anyway this story is not about me. It’s about Helga and the bastards that stole her soccer ball… football…nah, soccer ball.

100 thoughts on “Ozzy Man Reviews: Soccer Cow”

  1. Stars And moons says:

    In mother india
    Mother cows play football

  2. muise alimoideen says:

    Indians have made cow a god . Definitely they can make a cow their soccer captain.

  3. Goldn Messi says:

    Auzzis can't get enough of Indians lol…
    If Only Australia were Indian close neighbors

  4. Human says:

    The real sad story of the cow is this.
    EVen the kids who are playing with the cow seems doesn't know this.

  5. Avinash Singh says:


  6. Aditya Patel says:

    😂 😂 😂

  7. Jak sb says:

    The real story came out after this video came viral ! The new born calf this cow had a tragic death on a busy road and after that this cow thought the ball is her calf and tried to be protective☹️☹️

  8. Ukesh Shrestha says:

    It's not a cow it's an ox 🐂 🐂

  9. Aditya Naman says:

    This man uses the word "wanker" in all his videos

  10. TheMrEpicsounds says:

    Cows defense is better than Spurs vs Bayern

  11. Billy Carvalho says:

    Hit like if you’ve love Goa

  12. Kamikazekid4 says:

    Cows are so much smarter than most people think. This is really cool to see.

  13. condorX2 says:

    1:30 ping pow cow.

  14. Desert Vox says:

    These cows are literal Hindu 'gods'. What a circus.



  16. Struggle Forever says:

    india is the biggest exporter of cow leaather.

    the double standards.

  17. Kapil Chauhan says:

    I love commentary the most🤣🤣🤣😂

  18. The Michael says:

    My little dog also loves playing soccer. He'd make a great goal keeper.

  19. Rounakul Islam says:

    Checky Shela.. 😂

  20. Nishant Singh says:

    big fuck ancient knife 😂😂😂

  21. PoshLifeforME says:

    Helga thinks the ball is her calf.

  22. junmar andrew leynes says:

    Indian scammers. Haha

  23. kp sathwik says:

    First up all it's not she it's HE.. 😂😂

  24. Sankalp Kamat says:

    Football cow*

  25. You are correct I am wrong because I say says:

    Haters will say it was a foul as the cow was allowed to use only it's two rear legs as the front two would be considered as hand.

  26. Deepesh7737 Rathore says:

    Wtf ⚽🐮🐄

  27. imran Ali says:

    He should respect the cow 🐮. In India 🇮🇳😂😂

  28. rolandet says:

    Mah football
    Don't confuse it with the Americans, and their hand egg.

    Soccer doesn't exist. It's fake news, ask Trump

  29. Redskey says:

    Its a fucking bull you Australian bastard

  30. ANIMESH GAUTAM says:

    indians scammers at best … lol

  31. g jim says:

    Her ancestors were Gods

  32. JustAnotherHater says:

    This video is so dumb. We all know women can't play sports

  33. Ketak Singh says:

    0:15 you just trolled Indian political party 😂😂😂

  34. Biplab Das says:

    Actually that cow is not shiela. 😆
    It's wanker.

  35. stypayhorlikson 3000 says:

    Helga is always safe. Even if she's on the road anywhere, people will move around her but no one moves Helga!

  36. Hare Krishna! Movie Trailer The Mantra,the Movement says:

    Oh my God it's India!!!! Cows are pious better than Human.

  37. vikas sharma says:

    Bro Indians are asshole they can't defend themselves

  38. Ilmārs Belēvičs says:

    without barcelona messi is nobody

  39. Partha Roy says:

    Excellent one. Having a hearty laugh.

  40. House of Dreams says:

    If you indian the subscribe me

  41. Gaurav Singh says:

    I probably wanna see her shots on target.

  42. Md. Rezaul Karim says:

    This cow is better than Ramos 😁😁

  43. Blaze says:

    'It's Vitaly's girlfriend' lol

  44. abhinay reddy says:

    Oye lanjakodaka

  45. Nikhil K Goel says:

    "Helga longhorn" bahahahaha 😂

  46. prateek kamboj says:

    India has 71% non vegetarians but very less beef eating people

  47. Visfor Vegan says:


  48. Anand Mohan Singh says:

    Sorry for your bad experience in India , I too agree with the fact that tourists are looted here , even I am a victim of these guides 🙁😅

  49. Cheryl Leanne says:


  50. Raghav Agarwal says:

    0:18 She is allowed to vote?She is the vote.

  51. Ankit Bista says:

    1:54 have a look at this smug face lolzzz

  52. Roy says:

    Cow or bull? 🤣🤣

  53. Siddhant Patil says:

    In india it's Football!

  54. Raag Abel chow says:

    Still less drama than Neymar

  55. Ke Ka says:

    A better defense than the Manchester United defensers

  56. gaerick paul says:

    this thing happened in goa india a few hours from my house that cow now is quite if celebrity over here

  57. Mike Oakes Hart says:

    India isn't vegetarian, they just didn't eat cow's meat. They still pretty much consume other animal product.

  58. Hanwuji says:

    He's playing better than Chinese team.

  59. Hexacaust Archon says:

    I wonder if this ball was made out of cowhide. Or if it had a leathery smell for that matter.

  60. Yogesh Nagaraj says:

    Neymar would have injured himself seeing the cow, had he been there😒

  61. ThatDarnKitteh says:

    Aw man it really wants the ball 🤣🤣🤣

  62. Saito Hiraga says:

    they are not vegetarian; they still eat chicken or fish

  63. Realms Of Darkness says:

    "futball…nah, soccerball." 🤣 Thank you Ozzy! 🇺🇸

  64. gaurav singh says:

    Nither messi nor Ronaldo could tackle the ball,,,..(•‿•)(•‿•)(•‿•)

  65. Johannes van der Stuyvebode says:

    Better not tackle the mother of animals.

  66. Howard Stephen Posadas Ardon says:

    Outro song plz

  67. anand abhishek says:

    Ozzy said she's one of the people……well mate….she has the power to form government in India 😂😂😂😂

  68. Dipul Raz Aryal says:

    Vitaly’s girlfriend had me😂😂😂😂😂😂

  69. Aristides Hassán says:

    That cow is the reincarnation of the famous Bangladeshi player who in life was called Brandhipür Siprüthishüt, winner of the Sipritnhi Nashipürr Cup of the year 1920 held in Delhi.

  70. Zain Ali says:

    In india cow is more secure than women and Muslims

  71. Kartik Iyer says:

    Arsenal should sign up this cow for the middle of the park. Excellent ball retention and even better at winning it back. It's Cownaldinho.

  72. Annora says:

    Helga got that ball back at the end. Off in the distance the right order of the world was restored. Wow she loves that ball, a dedicated footballer.

  73. Siddharth joshi says:

    You should do a video on KRK India 😂

  74. Sameer Khan says:

    Probably her cub was of same white color as ball and she has lost her cub recently and looking for it everywhere and she mistakenly thought the ball was her cub,ask any animal expert if i am wrong, i have seen cows since my childhood i lived in my village i know their behavior really well.

  75. Dio Brando WRYYY says:

    The awkward moment when you realize Helga the cow is a he

  76. Yo-yo Rapper says:

    Boys playing football with their mom

  77. Adrián Jusid says:

    Football f*kr, and indians can't play for Australia, unless they pay the 12.000 aud or so that the government wants from them hahah.

  78. visharad rawat says:

    1:10 You can see Helga, in the Background, Brown coloured. This bloke is an Ox , named Dhania.

  79. Kitty Man says:

    Indian scammers are the worst

  80. Esmys termite contr says:

    Dammm is that the indian COWtinho

  81. Abby Jaded says:

    Wow being featured in an ozzy man reviews made my year. I'm that dodgy wanker in blue.

  82. Abby Jaded says:

    Wow being featured in an ozzy man reviews made my year. I'm that dodgy wanker in blue.

  83. Abby Jaded says:

    Wow being featured in an ozzy man reviews made my year. I'm that dodgy wanker in blue.

  84. Nandan Subramanian says:

    That cow has got balls!

  85. Dragonwarlord ❶ says:


  86. Big Electron says:

    Fun fact ozzyman.. in India racists use cows as weapons, and idiots use its piss as health drink. Cow lynching, murders, its disastrous. This is a smartass cow dono how many deaths this one has caused.
    If anyone's planning a trip to India just fucken don't.

  87. Eagle Gaming says:

    There's an interference on the field ah there's vitaly's girlfriend😂😂😂

  88. m d says:

    This is my beautiful state Goa.

  89. DragonVestor YT says:

    Next up: Soccer cow vs Cristiano Ronaldo

  90. DYNASTY prevails says:

    Another hilarious upload .. love your channel brother 😇🇮🇳

  91. Liver Broken says:

    2:23 ha ha welcome to India

  92. Jose Meza says:

    This is the first now I ever seen wit horns

  93. Николай Букреев says:

    that feeling when a cow has the ball better than you🤦‍♂️

  94. sultani sultani says:


  95. rollingklouds says:

    It's not a football, it's a hoof-ball.

  96. Don Buddha says:


  97. Jason W says:

    Some say she trained since before her birth. Others claim she is a direct descendant of Pele.

    All we know is, she is Stig's bovine cousin.

  98. ali mohsin says:

    "which one of u dick heads"😂😂😂👻….only thing i learn frm this ozzy is "fack ya"😂

  99. Ayman Jc says:

    You mean she have eyes back in her ass 😂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *