Game Theory: Mario, The Problems with Princess Peach
Game Theory: Mario, The Problems with Princess Peach


Mario games aren’t platformers. They also dis-empower
women and promote organized crime. That’s right!
Game Theory is back! Hello Internet,
welcome to Game Theory! Hailed by critics as,
“Fast edits with mildly impressive photo-shopping. So, Princess Peach. She’s one of the first ladies of video gaming,
and also one of the most innocuous. Beautiful, polite, modest. Even when she engages in brawls,
she remains classy and even-tempered. Take for instance,
the Humble Smash Ball. Where it turns other cute characters
into fire-spewing creatures of winged death, Peach uses it to calmly
summon a rain of pelting fruit. Or how about in Super Mario RPG? While other characters use magic to conjure
deadly electrobolt storms, or towering infernos – she calls forth an army of sheep. But not angry,
trample you to death sheep! Just sleepy sheepies,
shleepies sheepies. Seriously, Miss Pac-Man is edgier, and she’s a yellow circle with a bow! So would it surprise you, then,
to hear that behind these yellow locks is a
ticking time-bomb of hormones, and the mastermind behind
Bowser’s nefarious schemes? Be warned, dear Theorists
this video is rated M for “Mamma Mia that’s a spicy episode!” As we begin to peel this peach,
I submit that Mario’s Gal-Pal here is a clear candidate for bipolar disorder, A psychological issue, marked by periods of
extreme mood shifts manic highs and depressive lows. Sure, I’ve already said that in most games she appears cool and collected, but in the most games she’s only making a cameo. In Super Princess Peach, however, she’s the main protagonist,
and she’s not fighting her way to Bowser with parasols and vegetables. O-ho no! She attacks with rapid mood swings. Get her mad, she literally catches on fire! Happy, she twirls and flies! Sad, and she cries uncontrollable, bitter tears. Way to go Nintendo.
You make the girl a hero and you give her the power of PMS. “I attack with my emotions!” People with bipolar disorder tend to be either manic or depressive for the whole day. Peach takes it to a whole ‘nother level switching back and forth in the span of seconds, changing from one extreme emotion to the next,
quite literally, with the press of a button. Bipolar disorder also comes
packaged with unhealthy eating habits. Peach’s insistence on constantly making an eating cake? Yeah, that cake ain’t a lie. She’s just eating it to escape her crippling depression. Bipolar disorder. But before we finish talking about Nintendo’s sexist little romp, in Super Princess Peach, her Hormonal Highness is fighting for control of,
get this, the vibe scepter. You heard that right. Vibe scepter.
They couldn’t possibly mean… Yeah, yeah they do. At the end of the game, on-screen text implies that the vibe scepter can be found in my own house,
and is responsible for my mom laughing happily a lot. Super Princess Peach – encouraging children
to find their parents’ sex toys since 2005. So she’s a little moody and sexually repressed, but can we really blame Peach
for being a little off her rocker? I mean, the woman’s been kidnapped at least 12 times, eight of which were by
an over-sized humanoid-turtle. Eight! Which begs the question, “How does this happen?”. As royalty of her kingdom,
don’t you think that at some point, she would take a stand? Start an army consisting of
more than just little boys in diapers? Move to an airtight bunker? At the very least, stop playing board games with the guy! After 26 years of being violently kidnapped against your will, don’t you think that you’d want it to stop? Maybe not. It’s very possible that Peach has Stockholm Syndrome – a psychological event, in which people taken hostage develop positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending their actions,
even falling in love with them. According to the FBI database, 27% of hostages demonstrated
some level of Stockholm syndrome. But if you really want an example of this bizarre psychological phenomenon – You know who’s an expert? Walt Disney. Seriously! Belle from Beauty and the Beast,
the smartest, most independent female princess they’ve ever produced,
is a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. Let’s recap! Her father is being held prisoner
by fuzzy wuzzy over here. Belle offers to take his place as hostage. Sure, the rest of the movie would
love for you to forget this little plot point, But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s
being held there against her will “Oh, he gave her a library!” To make her forget that she’s a captive in his home. “Oh, look, they’re dancing!” Yeah, in the equivalent of a prison mixer. “Oh, they’re falling in love!” Because the only other thing she’s been talking
to this whole time has been a cutlery set. Now look at Peach. Clearly she has taken no action to protect herself or her kingdom. It’s like she’s asking to get
kidnapped, and where’s Mario? Don’t you think that after – I don’t know – two? Maybe three kidnappings he would show some concern for his girlfriend’s safety? Raise an eyebrow that Bowser always gets
an invite to the Go-karting tournaments? Step in and say, “You know
what honey, maybe it’s a time we did something permanent
about this a-Bowser a-problem!” But he doesn’t! You know why? Because it’s all staged! Don’t believe me? One of the hottest new underground businesses right now is executive abductions, a politically correct term for staged kidnappings. Starting at the low low price of $1,500 – you can have the kidnapping
adventure you always dreamed of. These companies guarantee
that once you sign the papers, you won’t know when, where, or how your personal abduction may happen. One woman who told the company she wanted to lose weight was held captive in a basement
with only an exercise bike for four weeks. Another paying victim asked if the service could
possibly make her slowly go crazy! Sorry, honey. If you’re asking for this sort of service, you’re there already. Other possible scenarios on the website include stalkers, home break-ins, and ransom drops, along with optional endings that
include getting left in the middle of nowhere. Truly, they are the Burger King of kidnappers,
letting customers have it their way. Now consider Mario and Peach. One a paunchy plumber, the other a conservative princess,
looking for a decent vibe scepter. But with peach getting fake
kidnapped, everyone benefits. Mario gets to change from Joe Schmoe
to a hero, rescuing a damsel in distress. Bowser gets paid, and perhaps
some side benefits from his Stockholm Sweetheart, and Peach gets a little excitement in
her conservative, repressed life. Testimonials from the professional kidnapping companies mirror these facts, with clients admitting that in normal
life, they’re often quiet and reserved. But that these kidnapping scenarios allow them a
chance to escape from their daily inhibitions, and it’s all completely safe! Sure you might get roughed up a little,
but at the end of it all Peach gets saved by her knight in shining overalls. With the scenario over, they all go golfing, friends until it’s time for another surreptitious romp. Need more proof? In new Super Mario Brothers Wii, Mario just stands there
while the Koopa kids steal Peach in a cake. He stands there, watching this happen when there is clearly plenty of time for him to realize what’s happening, and take action. How about in Super Mario Galaxy? Peach, once again, just stands there for minutes on end as
warships approach her castle, as Bowser taunts her, and then summons a UFO to abduct her. She is clearly putting up no resistance, not running away, not showing any emotion. Nothing!
Clearly these are people who want this kidnapping to happen! But most convincingly of all,
a few years ago, a brilliant game theory circulated around the internet that Super Mario Brothers 3 was merely a stage play.
The evidence is convincing the game opens with a rising curtain. The platforms are bolted onto the background
each “stage”, ends with you going off stage But most importantly objects casting shadows onto the sky, which makes no sense unless you consider that
the sky is actually a backdrop of the sky. Finally, there’s platforms
suspended in the air by wires. In the theater world, those would be aircraft cables – attached to long poles in the ceiling called battens. Pretty strong evidence for this
not occurring in the real world. Almost like everyone in the game
is an actor in an elaborate play. In short, what we have here is solid proof that Mario games
shouldn’t be classified as platformers. They are, in fact, the greatest role playing games ever created. But hey! That’s just a theory!
A Game Theory! Thanks for watching!
(song in background) # -And a ho, the obnoxious dream girl of Mario # # Being around for only causes anger to grow # # It’s Princess Peach, she’s Mario’s leech
that’s the good thing, she gives me the creeps # # I don’t know why it’s pretty lines, just for some cake
it’s a real mistake # # Back in the day,
she was all right # # She could throw bombs
and had the power of flight # # Now it seems, she’s played us for fools # # She can’t even keep
that kingdom she rules #

100 thoughts on “Game Theory: Mario, The Problems with Princess Peach”

  1. wolfenstien howlers says:

    Watching in 2019 and wow that intro though

  2. - JellyCopter - says:

    If I were trapped in a cake I would eat some.

  3. Luma Eclipse says:

    "what do you do on your spare time"
    Oh, I ruin the remains of my childhood before it's over.

  4. Joseph Stalin says:

    Real game theory: is Stalin Mario’s brother

  5. Bridget Vader says:

    its so oldddddddddddddddddddd

  6. ThatGuy67 says:

    There's a coup brewing in the mushroom kingdom….

  7. Natalie Notes says:

    anyone here in  2019

  8. Gavin’s Theater says:

    The Krusty Krab is unfair mr. krabs is in there blah blah blah blah blah blah crippling depression

  9. Me _ says:

    Speaking of peach, is Peach THICC?

  10. psam psam says:

    PACMAN!!!!!

  11. Øzønè says:

    2012… wow… IM SO LATE

  12. swagneo1337 says:

    STOCKHOLM YOU MEAN THE CITY IN SWEDEN! WHERE I LIVE?

  13. Kirby's Wrath says:

    Anyone watching in 2020?

    No?

  14. Liz Groves says:

    2019 anyone??

  15. Mell Arts says:

    I entered this game theory video and the ad was a theory of “can we extinguish the sun?”

    No, we cant. If u wonder

  16. Shade says:

    this is old

  17. Oz Brown says:

    Oh man this is an old one

  18. Dylan S says:

    2019 anyone?

  19. Ele Os has a gun says:

    ahhh the nastolgia

  20. Jack Random says:

    Omg I’ve gone to deep

  21. mudasir riaz says:

    THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!!!!!!!

  22. Aiden C says:

    A classic

  23. Christine 900 says:

    Belle doesn't have it, watch lindsay Ellis's video on the whole thing

  24. mey kim says:

    2019???

  25. Sheep With Shades Productions says:

    V I B E S C E P T E R

  26. C Cat says:

    Anyone come here cuz they heard “and we can prove his girlfriend has Stockholm syndrome” in the bullet bill episode?
    No, just me? Ok fine

  27. gay fanar kid says:

    Ist supposed to be M FOR MATURE but okay

  28. The Sharkz says:

    2019 any one

  29. The doom marine says:

    "pokemon go 2016"

  30. Ulysses Fontaine says:

    Nintendo, you uh, you got a few issues don't you?

  31. green Steve 76 73 says:

    In mario ODYSSEY THE PEAPOLE IN THE METRO KINGDOM SOME OF THEM SAY THERE DEAD… WHAT

  32. - Erift - says:

    “She’s just eating it to escape her cRiPeLiNg dEpReSiOn

  33. GalaxiStarz says:

    Man this is old.

  34. 711 MinecraftIceCream says:

    I have NEVER seen this intro! I've watched game theory for at least 2-4 years now and have never seen this one. Huh odd for me

  35. 711 MinecraftIceCream says:

    Do Mario is a psycho, and peach is bipolar
    I get the first one, but… Eh

  36. Peeko the legendary slakoth says:

    Anybody else here from the toadette episode..?
    No? Just me?

  37. Rainbowski says:

    Wow this is Pokémon go I never would have thought

  38. È͎c̭̓h̽ͅó̩O͚͆f̻͊Ẃ̦ő͕r̠͆l̠̂ḏ̽ș̿ says:

    so apparently mario is pokemon go, because that is what it is saying to me on my end.

  39. Caleb Stover says:

    Wow the title was …. old

  40. Fiona Thomas says:

    Do more gta theory

  41. Jackeline Frost says:

    Oh the old game theory

  42. DragonBlueFire says:

    WHY IS THE GAME POKEMON GO? WHY IS A GAME THAT CAME OUT 3 YEARS AFTER THE VIDEO CAME OUT. help

  43. Channel-AppleJuice says:

    In games like tennis and mario cart, its like the olympics, all the countries compete in sports like tennis, or racing, and after, they go back to what they were doing.

  44. Cupcake Killer says:

    "Promotes crime,"
    *Shows a picture of a squirrel in a suit,😂

  45. Melanie B says:

    when you said stockholm syndrome i thought of belle

  46. Cuckoo Chicken says:

    The description says the game is pokemon go…ok?

  47. Serena Evancho says:

    what’s the song at the end of that i love that

  48. Chillax155 05 says:

    Bipolar is no joke and you talk about it in a very disrespectful way

  49. Video Axis360 says:

    Who’s here when Minecraft took over Fortnite to become king again

  50. Shataki says:

    "Mildly impressive photo shop"

  51. Sky Shack says:

    Actually, beauty and the beast is the other way around. Beast, her captor, begins to sympathize with her. And not to mention she has free wanderings of the property, which negates a big part of Stockholm syndrome, where the captive is forced to stay in one location with limited interactions with their captor

  52. MrDandaowen says:

    Super Mario Bros 3 has been confirmed to be a stage play by Shigeru Miyamoto.

  53. no thanks I dont want a last name says:

    so nostalgic bro!

  54. Lvvrrs says:

    Came here because of the Peachette video, you too?
    P.S. I didn't know Game Theory was apart of ScrewAttack at one point

  55. Foxina says:

    2012 matpat: peach is bioolar
    2014 matpat: peach is rosolina's mom and is dead
    2018 matpat: toadette is the new queen
    2019 matpat: toadette is a terrible leader

  56. typical broskey says:

    So the video paused during his rant about stolkhome syndrome and blood sweat and tears by bts started playing out of nowhere. It's a song about being hurt by your loved but being unable to stop loving them. One of the lyrics is literally "tie me up so I can't run away". I'm scared. I think my tablet is possessed😰😰

  57. Zappa Franklin says:

    Hey nice notion to the movie “The G***”

  58. Egg Boi vids says:

    I’m not even kidding my cat just disliked the video

  59. VInT Ice1 says:

    we gonna ignore the game category is pokemon go even tho this is a mario video and the game didnt come out for another 6 years

  60. Monica Kent says:

    You don’t know anything about bipolar matpat I am bipolar

  61. April Smith says:

    2019

  62. LosingLuke says:

    Wow, was this really made in 2012?!

  63. Juan Gutierrez says:

    The intro is lame! It's stop motion and no star fox or the legend of Zelda

  64. Marinie TheFox says:

    Oh no OLD CONTENT

  65. Yeet the Sheep says:

    2019 anyone

  66. Give me your liver says:

    Well that’s just creative

  67. Daeadroses says:

    Sweetheart, MatPat, Princess Tiana will be the best and most intellectual princess disney will ever put out. Belle is kinda average 😂

  68. Kaiser StungLow says:

    How to get a girlfriend:
    1} Build up some muscle and burn some fat (Look attractive yourself to attract attractive gals)
    2} Pack somethings you aren't going to ever need but maybe someone else would alongside a small paper with your phone number on it
    3} Find an attractive woman
    4} Ask her if she's single or not and tell her you need it for some study you're conducting
    5} Tell to hold those things you packed real quick and that you'll be right back
    6} Walk away and never be back
    7} Wait until she calls and make the conversation long so you befriend each other
    8} Come over to take your things back and ask her for her social media account because you had fun talking to her and would like to talk more
    9} Pull off a Mafia City move by going from her level 1 friendly guy to her level 100 hunky best friend
    10} Ask her out
    THE SOLUTION TO PEACH

  69. Alex Holts says:

    8:17 it's a FLYING SAUCER, not a UFO facepalm

  70. Adelie Watters says:

    2012?!?! I WASN'T EVEN SUBBED BACK THEN

  71. Noah Taylor says:

    Description: game: Pokemon Go
    Um what

  72. Dark 1029 says:

    So I looked for the date of this video and saw Pokémon go in YouTube gaming in the discripcion.

  73. Blue Mario Media says:

    Im starting to think she don't have Stockholm syndrome. Maybe she is just kinky.

  74. FATRAGINGKITKAT 1 says:

    2019 anymore. THIS IS SOOOOOO OLD.

  75. Jace Sanders says:

    bowser: knocks on door
    peach: hold on im leaving the fake message for Mario
    bowser: hurry
    peach: opens door ok im ready, lets go
    bowser: finally

    and that is how peach gets "kidnapped "

  76. Tom Pritchard says:

    Matpat what happens when you see 8 kids jump out of a giant cake

  77. Mona Liza Bilal says:

    PLOT TWIST

    Matpat is ms.packman

  78. Brandon Greenland says:

    It's been seven years.

    Damn…

  79. Pedro Saceta says:

    Clap Clap u have 12m of subscribers

  80. JustinBustin says:

    MAMA MIA! 2012!

  81. The Lonely Woodstock says:

    Yeah, but, Beast has Lima Syndrome too. He develops an understanding of Belle and he concerns, yes, Belle has Stockholm Syndrome. But she's not the only one that was psychologically warped in that film.

  82. Isaiah The LEGO Kid says:

    This is game theory way back WHEN! yet I’m watching in September of 2019

  83. Laggy Acer says:

    I wonder whether Matpat just Google Search for staged kidnapping or actually went to the dark web

  84. Anna Christine says:

    Bipolar doesn't cause mood swings within minutes or even a day. With bipolar they change over weeks or months. Severe mood swings within short time frames are more related to manic depression, borderline personality disorder, or ADHD (among others), but not bipolar. Personally (and definitely not from a professional reference) I think along with the need for attention and being fine with being kidnapped for it she would be closer to BPD.

  85. WD master luke says:

    “I attack with my emotions” That’s true for me, Except it’s out of stress from working on videos 👍

  86. Shawn Lowry says:

    you guys rock!

  87. Fredbar says:

    Hmmmm the BAD old days

  88. Joaquin Banks says:

    The intro makes me sad. Rip Onii

  89. mikey koski says:

    does enemy one here it say gay theory

  90. Bogdan RO says:

    Mean this is a old ep

  91. Dorel abramov says:

    Oh my God it's so weird to listen to Matpat not speaking in his signature overdramatic, good quality microphone, voice.

  92. Autumn Runne says:

    V I B E C E P T E R

  93. Katessa H. says:

    Revisiting the good and old ones.

  94. DOGGO992 says:

    3:21 bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i’m so glad my cousin never played this game

  95. Nathan Savoie says:

    Why does it say that this game is Pokemon Go

  96. Grace Boucher says:

    Woah og game theory

  97. The Night Pack Alpha Female says:

    2019 any body?

  98. Aaden Barbara says:

    Guys get this video 10 million views! (Please don't tell Peach:))

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