Crank Yankers –  Spoonie Places a Personal Ad
Crank Yankers – Spoonie Places a Personal Ad


( phone ringing ) ( woman )
Classifieds, Sheryl speaking,
how may I help you ? YES, UH, IS THIS
THE VILLAGE VOICE ?
Mm-hmm. YES, YES, I WOULD LIKE
TO PLACE A PERSONAL AD. What would you like
to say in your ad ? I’D LIKE TO SAY:
“WELL-ENDOWED PLAY-UH…” “WELL-ENDOWED”, OF COURSE. “31.” Mm-hmm. “SEEKS DIRTY HO’
TO SIP CRISTAL.” Repeat that. “SEEKS DIRTY HO’ TO SIP CRISTAL
AND HAVE HER ASS TORE UP.” “DIRTY… HO… TO SIP… Cristal.” MM-HMM. “And have her
ass teared up.” HER ASS TEARED UP ? YEAH, YEAH. THIS IS TOO RAUNCHY,
EVEN THOUGH… Oh, yeah, this is
straight hip-hop. THIS IS HOW FEMALES
IN HIP-HOP LIKE IT. THEY LIKE TO BE TALKED–
THIS HOW WE COMMUNICATE. “BABY’S GOTTA KEEP
IT REALER THAN A MO’FO’ AS I ROLL UP DEEP
IN HER STEEZE.” DEEP IN HER… “STEEZE, OR CREVICE. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY.” OKAY, THIS AD CANNOT GO UNDER
THE “MEN SEEKING WOMEN” CATEGORY AND YOU’D HAVE TO
CHANGE YOUR WORDING. YOU CAN’T SEEK
A DIRTY HO. INSTEAD OF SAYING “DEEP INTO
HER CREVICE,” WHAT CAN I SAY ? ONE MOMENT. HOW ABOUT THIS ? I HAVE SOMETHING
TOTALLY DIFFERENT. A TOTALLY DIFFERENT AD. UMM, UMM… “DEAR HIZZOS–” NO HOS, NO HIZZOS, NO HOS. INSTEAD OF HIZZOS,
CAN I PUT LIZADIES ? LIZADIES ? “WIZANTS TO GET SHIZZY
WITH THE NIZZY. “PLIZZY GIVIZZY
ME A SIZZLE. SINCEZERELY YUZOURS.” NO… WHY NOT ? I THINK THAT’S FLY ! OKAY, LET’S KEEP IT SIMPLE THEN,
ONLY– “ONLY HOTTIES NEED APPLY. “MUST LIKE LONG WALKS
ON THE BEACH, “NIGHTS IN FRONT OF
THE FIREPLACE, AND SUSHI. “SHOULDN’T STEAL MY STUFF. “I LIKE MY WOMEN HAIRY. “MUST HAVE TITTIES AND
A BADONKADONK BUTT. I don’t like dirty ass,
gotta have a clean ass.” YOU OBVIOUSLY– HAVE
YOU READ OUR PERSONALS ? YEAH, I’M JUST PUTTING MY
PERSONALS, THIS WHAT IWANT.AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: GOTTA HAVE STRONG LEGS,
ESPECIALLY AT THE KNEES. GONNA SPEND A LOT OF
TIME ON THE KNEES. YOU CANNOT PLACE
A GRAPHIC AD. WHAT ABOUT
THE BADONKADONK BUTT ? NO. YOU CAN’T PUT
“BADONKADONK” ? WHAT ABOUT
“MUST HAVE BACK” ? YOU CAN SAY THAT,
“MUST HAVE BACK” ? MUST HAVE BACK ! What’s next ? DON’T STEAL MY STUFF. AND THEN AFTER THAT,
I LIKE ‘EM HAIRY AS HELL. COULD YOU JUST READ
THAT BACK TO ME ? YOU HAVE: ONLY
HOTTIES NEED APPLY. GOTTA HAVE STRONG LEGS. MUST HAVE BACK. DON’T STEAL MY STUFF. I LIKE A LOT OF
HAIR EVERYWHERE. NICE, NICE, NICE. OH, ONE MORE THING. Mm-hmm. I LIKE STRETCH MARKS. MUST HAVE
A C-SECTION SCAR. YOU CAN’T PUT THAT
ON YOUR GREETING, YOU CAN’T PUT
THAT IN PRINT. OH, ONE MORE THING THEN:
UH, “GOTTA LOVE TO HUMP.” NOPE. “GOTTA LOVE TO BONE.” NOPE. YOU KNOW WHAT
A C-RING IS ? NO, THAT’S NOT GOING
IN YOUR AD EITHER. “MUST BUY ME
A ( blank ) RING.” CANNOT BUY YOU
ANYTHING IN YOUR AD, NO. WHAT ABOUT THIS: “I WANT TO BUST
A DOUBLE HORIZONTAL ON YO’ ASS.” NO. OKAY. Okay, take care. UH-HUH, I’LL
HOLLA’ AT YOU, SHERYL. B’bye. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, DON’T
NEVER CHANGE, BABY. COOL. YO, DON’T CHANGE,
SHERYL, DON’T CHANGE. C’MON, DON’T GET
OFF THE PHONE. CAN I JUST SPEAK TO YOU
FOR ONE MORE MINUTE ? DON’T CHANGE,
I LOVE YOU, GIRL. I WISH I COULD
MEET YOU. That’s very nice. CAN I MEET YOU ? BLESS YOU. YO BABY, CAN I MEET YOU ? SOUND SEXY.

3 thoughts on “Crank Yankers – Spoonie Places a Personal Ad”

  1. Green Eyesgirl123 says:

    What's wrong with stretch marks… Lol

  2. Yousef Samer says:

    She must be new

  3. Aaron says:

    sounds like method man almost

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